I’m reading the questions as I go sorr.y So something I need from my parents to
be I guess successful in this world is mainly someone to just tell me like, “You
can do it. Keep going.” A good job. keep keep at it. Things like that. For
really small things just encouragement to keep on going and keep on progressing.
Seeing them there and seeing them tell me that I’ve done a good job at
something or they want me to continue with this or they like this that I do, I
think that that would really inspire me to keep doing what I’m doing. This is
something my dad has said to me is that if I ever need to talk to him I could
come to him anytime and just talk to him about anything. And I have taken
advantage of that and I believe that I definitely need that — my parents to be
able to listen to me. When they’re having a bad day and they need somebody to talk
to you like listen to them when they’re talking just normally to like, at dinner
or something you know just like, listen I like the way that they talk in the with
express their ideas and like listen to what they’re interested in. I think
something that a lot of parents do which I think my parents are kind of guilty of,
is like, immediately after I tell them what whatever problem I’m dealing with
in life, just being like, really worried for me. Especially my mom she does that,
but also maybe just like my dad a little bit. Just immediately wanting to like, fix
the problem like, whatever problem I tell them I’m just immediately telling, giving
me advice on how to fix the issu.e Like, “Oh you have a problem. Well you
should take steps X, Y, and Z.” What’s most important for a parent to do is what my
mom did for me into more or less respecting me as an equal. No it doesn’t mean
let me call her by her name anymore or cuss in front of her or anything like
that. Just more so her feelings and my feelings are just as important. So, if
I’m upset about something she’s letting me listen just like the other way around.
You know if I tell her that she’s wrong she’s willing to, you know my explanation
if she’s wrong she’ll say sorry. What when your teen talks to you about
anything I think that their opinion should be valued and it should be
treated with respect. Because I’ve had a lot of circumstances where I was talking
with adults and interacting with them and when I tried to pipe in with my own
opinions I’m told, “Well, you’re just a child so you wouldn’t understand this,”
which is probably the most demeaning thing that anyone can say to somebody
else. And it makes me lose a lot of respect for them. It’s just sad. It’s just like, that’s no way
to live. You know? I know that they offer me plenty of love and it’s just in a
very different way from, I guess, what you would see like on a sitcom or media and
that kind of schmaltzy type of love. I knew that I was loved by my parents but I
didn’t always feel it because I didn’t always get those words of affirmation.
Different people communicate love in different ways. My stepfather is a 20- years former retired Marine. He was a gunnery sergeant. So, of course he’s very strict
and rigid. I noticed with my stepdad is that he’s always doing
things around the house. Normally for my mom but even with me. Like he’ll ask me,
“Well, I’m about ready to cook dinner dinner do you want something? I’m about
ready to go out do you want to bring us back lunch or something like that? For
him though that’s sort of his language of love. That’s how he communicates love
which as a child, I totally and completely missed. When my parents have shown me
that they trust me and that they believe I can make the right decision then I
feel more comfortable seeking out new environments and new opportunities and
not always staying in my comfort zone. Sometimes when you’re a parent you need
to let your children fail even if you know that the things they’re doing
aren’t a great idea just so that they can learn those lessons so that they can
have those experiences themselves. This sounds a little bit weird because
essentially you’re setting them up for failure. But you still need to be there
when they fail in order to pick up the pieces and to help them bounce back.
Because those lessons and experiences learned don’t mean anything if you
aren’t able to pick yourself up. Children by nature tend to be dreamers and
parents should use their experience to offer realistic guidelines on how to
achieve those, but not so that it’s constricting. Structured freedom might be
one of the best things that I need as in I want to be, I think I need to be free
to make my own choices. But clearly there needs to be boundaries because as a
learning and growing individual there’s a lot I don’t know yet. So, there are many
things that could hurt me. There is a difference between giving your child
freedom versus giving them freedom to the extent that they don’t think that
their parents care about what they’re doing with their time. It needs to be a
balance between respect for their freedom and respect for what they want
to do as an individual, but also showing that you do care about how things work
out. I feel like just that environment I of like, with your immediate family you
are safe. Like, you this is a place where people will listen to you, people will
accept you, people love you no matter what. Like, just like, constant like,
reassurance. Being able to express responsibility and being able to express
vulnerability and getting used to not always being right and having that be
okay. Being able to see your parents interact that way with each other and
with you and with other people makes that an easier thing to learn. I would
say I need my parents to want to teach me I need, I need to learn
from them. The best element that my parents have given me is the element of
perspective. Whether I use it or not it’s always there and
we’ll give it to me. Like my dad has always said like, “The most important
thing is to be nice to people,” and that’s obviously something that he’s used in
his life that has helped him succeed. Entering high school the need to have
good grades and do well and to show how good you are but only on paper
that turned into you know become what they want to see in you rather than you
show them what you already have. If your child’s not succeeding in the way that you
hope they would but they’re still succeeding and doing something they
should be encouraged for what they’re doing. I think there is so much more to
us as teenagers than our grades and then other superficial things that lots
of times we are graded by that we are judged by. I hope that adults can provide
us with the support and the encouragement we need in in pursuing
things that don’t necessarily align with what they hope we
are doing. I tend to overwork myself a lot and sometimes I don’t give myself a
break. It’s just work on top of work on top of work and I forget to think about
myself a lot of the time. My mother reminded me that my physical health was
as important as any sort of achievement, any sort of success in the academic
success how I’m doing in school, because your body is all you have. And if you
aren’t sleeping, if you aren’t treating your right, if you aren’t eating, if you
aren’t drinking, if you aren’t putting 100% of your effort into making sure you
stay healthy as a person you aren’t going to be able to achieve any of those
other things that you set out to achieve in the first place. Teenage years are constant trials and
tribulations of like, everything that you are trying. You’re trying to develop
yourself and having people there for you that let you know that if you make
mistakes along the way it’s okay. Like just having that constant reassurance is
nice. Because I don’t know who like, I want to be. I don’t know what I want to
do. But I know that the people around me will try to help me as best that they
can and they will support what I do. With you know, I mean if it’s a stupid
idea like they’ll be like, “Don’t do that.” But…